Getting out of debt
UNWORTHINESS MAKES YOU IN DEBT TO EVERYONE
When we feel like we aren’t worthy, we are fractured, flawed or in need of improvement, we will constantly be looking for ways to a) confirm that feeling and b) to alleviate that pain through other people, things, and circumstances.
When we have a thought, especially a recurring thought, like “I’m not good enough”, “I could never do that”, or “Why am I so broken?” Our minds begin to look for evidence to support that claim. The RAS (reticular activating system) is the reason you learn a new word and then start hearing it everywhere. It’s the algorithm that finishes your question as you type it into google, it’s the little assistant that agrees with everything you say and finds evidence to support those claims. It’s the part of the brain that sorts through information. The criteria for the information it gathers are things we focus on and our belief systems. My point is that when we feel unworthy and we confirm that feeling with thoughts that support that unworthiness, we will find ways to confirm that unworthiness, which further deepens our pain and beliefs around our inherent enoughness.
When we attempt to alleviate the pain of our worthiness wound via the world outside of us, we are essentially robbing Peter to pay Paul. Honoring the values of others and ignoring our own is like making the minimum payment on our worthiness CC.
Unworthiness leaves us feeling like we are in debt to everyone. Like we owe the world something. Our time, our energy, attention. It makes us feel like we have to shape-shift into the needs of others before we meet our own. Leaving us feeling like our worthiness lies in what we have to give to others.
So how do we get out of debt?
Acknowledge and Tend to Our Wounds - Our worthiness wound has to be acknowledged. If we don’t acknowledge the wound we won’t be able to tend to it. Under the pain is a need, what is that need?
Question Our Beliefs - What is the belief? Is it true? Sometimes something can feel real and be real but doesn’t necessarily have to be true. Is it really true? Can you find another belief and find evidence to support THAT claim instead?
Start Making Investments - To get out of debt we gotta start making the dough. Which means honoring our value(s). Essentially we increase our value by investing in ourselves.
Don’t negotiate - Which means we don’t negotiate on what matters to us. We stop prioritizing the needs of others over our own. We don’t trying to change other people (wanting to change someone else comes from wanting to chance something in oneself). We make promises to ourselves and keep said promises. We take small risks (with ourselves) to show ourselves how whole and capable we truly are.