Aloneness

aloneness.jpg

Kaivalya (कैवल्य), is the ultimate goal of Raja yoga and means "solitude", "detachment" or "isolation" or “aloneness.” 📿

Even some of my closest friends don’t know that I have social anxiety. I get a nervous stomach before going out to dinner with friends. When I take a yoga class you will find me either by the door or near a wall. Every time I teach I get nervous. Every time.
I consider myself an empath. Meaning that I put other people’s feelings ahead of my own. I sometimes feel theirs before I feel mine. So groups of people suck the energy right out of me.
I am also an introvert. Meaning that conversations in my head can be more stimulating than a conversation with another human being. Hence, small talk is painful.

I was prom queen, on student council and in the performing arts, in many social clubs and I now stand up in front of people and talk for a living. All of these things go against the grain of my being. Teaching me that being thrown from the nest can produce great reward- human connection.


Instinctively, I withdraw. Reluctantly, I project.

Oscillating between what comes naturally and what you need is a huge part of the spiritual path. Taking the time to be alone helps curate a sense of being so deep that you can learn to be alone in a room full of people. And know you are never alone in a world this big. 💎

 

Jamie Lugo