Inner Worth (No One Can Fuck With...)

The world is a series of experiences that are given to me in order to awaken out of the illusion of my own separateness. -Ram Dass

In almost every single one of my coaching calls and coaching encounters the subject of self-worth has come up. It seems that as a whole our society is experiencing a scarcity of self-worth and self-esteem. Self-Worth os the belief that you are enough and you are worthy of having and living the life that you want. It is the feeling of completeness and wholeness. It is the view that you are entitled to and deserve fulfillment, joy belonging and love. 

So I’ve been thinking a lot as to why this is the case? Why are so many of us feeling and feeding into this underlying story of “I am not good enough?” Why do so many of us have a hard time seeing our own “enough-ness”?

One of the ways that we can describe/define self-esteem or self-worth is “pride through achievement”.  But this is not just simply being proud of any accomplishment. A key ingredient to the lasting nature of self-esteem and self-worth is the way and the reasons in which these achievements are made. We live in a day and age in which things are being made easy and more convenient for us - every second of everyday. There is more information and advice out there than we even know what to do with. When something goes wrong, we turn to google, a research study, a recipe, or a quick fix to resolve our problem. We have cars that drive themselves and parents that pay for their children’s groceries well into their 30’s.

What we don’t realize is that all the same ways our modern world and communities are helpful or convenient it can be equally disempowering, disconnecting and stripping us of our natural ability to cultivate and nurture self-worth. In my opinion, the scarcity of self-worth is directly related to the lack of personal accomplishments that are made solely by ones own intelligence, intuition, and independence.

True self-esteem has nothing to do with having a positive self image, feeling proud about our accomplishments or repeating positive affirmations aloud while you exercise. Rather it means that INSTEAD of having a self image to live up to, that others can damage with words and actions- we have a self image connected to the most authentic version of ourselves. Like, “This is who I am.” NO ONE CAN FUCK WITH THAT. Lasting self-worth comes from the true self and temporary self-worth comes from the ego self. The difference is that the “ego” self-worth comes from external circumstances and accomplishments whereas the self-worth that is lasting and has to do with the higher self is stemming from our ourinternal clarity. Our accomplishments are not because someone said we should, or we think its something we “need” to do. Actions and accomplishments that lead to lasting self-worth things we do based on how we want to feel,, who we want to be,  they honor the heart, and they answer the deep pull pithing us. In other words, what is my purpose and does this action move me in that direction?

Self-worth can also be related to the idea that you understand the connection of all things. You see your self as part of the whole, not separate from. You understand that you are whole, complete and enough because you are not separate, better, worse, or unequal to another being. When we see ourselves as separate we create a boundary between ourselves and others. This creates a great divide. It leaves us feeling alone. Isolated. Dependent on external gratification and confirmation and acknowledgement. And we know that doesn’t create lasting feelings of worthiness. 

So go do some hard things (and some easy ones too) and take back your worth. Say NO to things that simply and easily toot your horn and say YES to things that make you sing. 

Jamie Lugo