What sustains you?

At the beginning of the year, in our first teachers practice of 2021 with Nikki Costello, we discussed the idea of “what sustains us”. Ultimately what holds us, what nourishes our aliveness, what preserves and maintains our sense of well-being. 

Upon first glance we think about the practices or things we need to do so that we can feel like ourselves and keep our spirit afloat. But what about the containers that hold us along the way? 

This little house has held us through our first and hopefully last pandemic. It has housed laughter, tears, delicious meals and many jigsaw puzzles. Many zoom calls, many workouts, many milestones and mini dance parties.

As we began to emerge of lockdown here in NY, I felt so much love for this little house and all the practices that sustained me. Our fixer upper has sustained me in ways I can’t explain. Tending to the house, the yard, the garden and taking care of the house that has sustained us through one of the hardest times we may see, has sustained me and kept my spirit afloat - leaks and carpenter ant infestations included…

When there was a leak or remnants of rodent or pest life, I would often say “Why the hell did we buy this place?” On sunny days when the lawn was mowed and the birds were singing, I couldn’t be more grateful. 

You see, we do the same thing with ourselves. It’s really hard to love ourselves when we are in an undesirable place. This is often the time we want to shut down, throw in the towel and say things like, “What is wrong with me?”

The trick is to show up for ourselves on the “bad days” too. Although we can fix a leak we can’t fix ourselves so we just tends to the needs of this body, mind and spirit. Taking care of what sustains us, the people, the structures, the communities, the land and our most importantly our bodies is a huge part of honoring ourselves. Sending the message, that on any given day, our needs matter. 

I come back to this question a lot, “What sustains me?” as the answer changes depending on what’s happening in my life (and sometimes I don’t have an answer) but just asking the question is a reminder to honor what holds me and supports me and as a reminder to show up for myself even if (and especially when) I am falling apart at the seams.